David Shaheen

By David Shaheen

Apologetics (from Greek ἀπολογία, “speaking in defense”) is the discipline of defending a position (often religious) through the systematic use of reason.

A couple weeks ago, my wife, ten-month old son and I were going to sleep in our apartment in Madrid, Spain.  We were in Madrid for World Youth Day, where we performed a concert.  Suddenly, we woke up in the middle of the night because there were some international pilgrims making a ruckus in the park below.  They had been drinking a bit too much.  Finally, after being awake for some time, we decided to go down and try to be loving to these pilgrims and kindly ask them to be quiet (a difficult task for me).

Just as Amanda and I were going out the door of the apartment complex, the noisy pilgrims were leaving.  Was this a coincidence?  I think not.  Just then, some other young men from Spain, who had also been drinking, came over to us.  We began to small talk for a bit and they quickly discovered why we were in Spain.  The first guy, Javier, was utterly surprised that we would spend all that money just to come see the Pope and be present for World Youth Day.  His other friend, Alberto, plainly said to us, “I do not believe.”  He was referring to the Pope and the Catholic Church as a whole.  From there we dove into deep questions of the existence of God, sexuality, marriage, and many other topics.

It was Tim Staples who said that it’s around beer number 8 where a person becomes a philosopher, and it’s around beer number 10 in which you become a theologian.  I began to see the truth and hilarity in this comment as we proceeded with our conversation.

At the center of Javier’s frustration with the Church was her teaching on sexuality and contraception.  He told us about his girlfriend and how much he cared about her.  “So, if I love her so much, why can’t I express that to her physically, without the possibility of having a child?”  It was difficult trying to explain love and life with someone who doesn’t acknowledge the Creator of those things.

It became clear that the “pursuit of happiness” was a common ground on which we could both stand.  Javier really just wanted to be happy, as all of us do.  He just didn’t know how to obtain it.  So, we pressed on and began to talk about happiness and how we all want to be happy.  I simply said, “We want to be happy too, just like you.  The only difference is that we believe what the church teaches will give us ultimate happiness, if lived out.”

Another core issue was Javier’s fear of commitment and of being open to new life.  He was saying how much he cared about his girlfriend, but had a fear that, if he commits, she might not be the right one for him.  So his solution is, don’t commit, don’t give yourself completely, but try to be as happy as possible.

Chastity is about recognizing that a person is both body and soul, and the things we do with our bodies speak a language.  What Javier didn’t understand was that when he is physical with his girlfriend, his body is speaking a lie.  He said how much he loved and cared for his girlfriend, while his very actions were harming her.

The recent Sunday Mass reading was talking about taking up our cross.  What we must learn is that there is no love without the cross.  This is true of our relationships and of Christ’s love for us.  Love hurts.  But, in that giving of ourselves and sacrificing for another, we truly love.  Love is found when we wait (sometimes painfully) to be intimate with our future spouse until marriage.  Love is found when we clothe and clean a newborn baby, regardless of how bad it smells.  Love involves suffering.  But after we go through the cross, we experience the Resurrection.

After our trip to Spain, we realized that this journey was not just for us pilgrims, but for the whole city of Madrid.  Many there are in a state of angst, trying to understand the deep desires of their heart, without God.  This only leads to sadness (smoking, drugs, alcohol abuse, unchaste relationships).  We tried desperately to share the truth with them, realizing the whole time that the biggest evangelization tool was to love them and let them see us as a Christian family.

Bio:
David Shaheen is an evangelist who boldly shares his faith with everyone he meets.  A husband, father, and business man, he is dedicated to living his faith in all aspects of his life.  With his bachelor’s degree in marketing with an emphasis in sales, David directs the Chastity Force ministry.   He is also an insurance agent (health, life, supplemental); working part-time in a secular and competitive work environment gives him a unique perspective when talking with youth who desire a successful and rewarding future.  David points towards the true happiness that comes from being successful in our walk with God.

Amanda Vernon

Hello and warm greetings from Michigan!  I hope you are having a beautiful summer, with some time for relaxation and renewal.

The rest of the Chastity Force team and I are preparing a Chastity FORCE Conference for Our Lady of the Lake Parish in Holland, Michigan on October 30, 2011.  We are very honored for this opportunity to speak, sing, play and pray in celebration of God’s pure love.  In our discussions about this conference, a member of the parish staff asked if we have, “Any research that substantiates the need for and the effectiveness of purity/chastity education.”  This was such a great question!

We could refer multiple websites that contain data about the tragic consequences of sexual immorality (on the resources tab of our blog we highlight other such excellent websites).  However, we do not offer those statistics through Chastity Force at this time.  We are responding to John Paul II’s statement in Evangelium Vitae, “In our present social context, marked by a dramatic struggle between the culture of life and the culture of death, there is need to develop a deep critical sense capable of discerning true values and authentic needs.”  Our hope is to further the culture of life by celebrating our creation in the image of God, and by pointing to chastity as a spiritual discipline to help us live in this truth.

“Our first and last point of reference of this catechesis will always be Jesus Christ himself (CCC 1698).”   The effectiveness of our conferences can only be measured through a deeper awareness of the Lord in our lives.  Along with St. Paul, we and our partners in ministry wish to ask, “Do you not realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you and whom you received from God (1 Corinthians 6:19)?”  The Catechism of the Catholic Church (article 1697) calls for, “a catechesis of the human virtues which causes one to grasp the beauty and attraction of right dispositions towards goodness.”

Please pray for us as we tailor this conference to best suit the community of Our Lady of the Lake.  Our hope is to present a compelling witness of the beauty of living for Christ in heart, mind and body.  First and foremost, we need to live this truth ourselves.  Secondly, we need to trust in God’s mercy more than in our own weaknesses.  Lastly, we need wisdom to present our message in a way that calls out the evil lurking in the shadows, while pointing to the joy of genuine love.   We know that education in the virtue of chastity is a true success when it leads others to Jesus.

God bless always,

Amanda Vernon

Bio:

Amanda Vernon is the co-director of Chastity FORCE, and an internationally acclaimed Catholic Music Minister.  She will traved to Madrid, Spain with her husband, David Shaheen, and their son Jamal this month for World Youth Day 2011.  Amanda will perform in concert during the
World Youth Day Cultural Program.

To learn more about Amanda Vernon’s Catholic music ministry, schedule a concert or to listen to her music, visit: www.amandavernon.com.

Cecilia and Lucia

By Cecilia Street

A little girl who can’t even say the word yet is teaching me to see purity in a new light.

Before I tell you about her, let me tell you about me: I am a cradle Catholic, married for nearly four years to my best friend. I come from a loving, fun family. And now, I am mama to a sweet one-year-old daughter, who has changed my life in all the best ways. With her, I sleep less, and pray and laugh more.

For much of my life, chastity has been something I have tried to live faithfully. But there have been times that it seems to be more about “what not to do” than about embracing a beautiful, more abundant life.

My daughter has changed my perspective.

Before becoming a mother, I could not have imagined the intensity of the love I would have for my child. I knew in my head that to love another person meant willing the best for her; now I know in my heart what it feels like to do so. When I look at my little daughter, I feel like I get a small taste of how the Lord looks at us, at me. It is incredible how completely PURE she is. She exudes joy. She has no sin yet. That amazes me every time I think about it. She has nothing in her life to regret. I only wish I could say that!

I absolutely desire purity for my child all her life. I don’t want her to ever exchange her innocence for a cheap imitation of love. And I want more than for her to simply “save sex for marriage”—I want her to have a pure spirit. I want her to be authentic, kind and loving, open and honest, joyful and fun. I want her to be a whole person—not torn apart, or hurt or hardened, as can happen too easily when purity isn’t nurtured. Most of all, I want her to know that she is made for more than this world—she’s made for Heaven, and that really, in the end, getting there is all that matters.

Isn’t that exactly what God wants for us?

I hope that my daughter will grow up knowing how much she is loved. And I hope that she will make choices that will guard her purity. I know it will be tough. Growing up, all most people want is to fit in, but in an increasingly chaotic and desperate culture, if you choose to live purely, you are bound to stand out.

Which brings me back to me. I realize now how important it is for me to live purely if I wish the same for my daughter. Of course that means that my husband is my one and only—that part’s easy. What is maybe not so easy for me is choosing to guard what my eyes see and my ears hear. What I watch on TV, or read or listen to all have the power to shape me, even if I would rather think that they don’t. I can’t tell my daughter that she should respect her body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, and then go and laugh at crude jokes on a TV show after she’s gone to sleep, or spend my free time lapping up salacious celebrity gossip.

A very dear friend of mine who has more wisdom than I can probably ever hope to have put it this way: “It’s not ‘Monkey say, monkey do’—it’s ‘Monkey see, monkey do.” If I want her to live it, she has to see me doing it first. I am so thankful for God’s grace through the sacraments, especially Reconciliation, for helping me to do this. I fall often, but I know my God who loves me is merciful.

He wants what is best for me, just as I want what is best for my daughter. And that is pure love.

Bio:

Cecilia Street is a former journalist and current freelance writer who now spends her days doing the most exhausting, fulfilling job she could find: being a mom. She lives in Grand Rapids, Mich., with her husband Curt, a web designer, and their daughter Lucia.
She loves to do lots of things—travel, eat good food, drink wine, spend time outdoors—but what she would really love now is to get a good night’s sleep.

When I first met Marie I was at a group at my college called University Christian Outreach. I had been going to this group for four years and Marie was new. My first impression of her was how beautiful she looked, as well as how she was always smiling, super-excited, and happy about everything. She stood tall (five feet and six inches, to be exact), with long black hair and a gorgeous smile. I knew I wanted to get to know Marie better when I realized how important her faith was to her and how well we clicked when we talked or hung out.

After I got to know Marie more through University Christian Outreach and hanging out with friends, we had this mutual idea of getting together one night for an activity and dinner. I was somewhat nervous about the date, but I had a really good feeling about the whole situation. After ice skating and some food, I told Marie how I felt about her. I told her that I would love to continue to get to know her and tried to say something about starting a relationship. She totally agreed with me!! I was extremely nervous telling her this, but after it all happened, I felt like a million bucks.

With Marie as my girlfriend, I truly want to treat her with the utmost respect. I want to do everything I can to make her happy and never hurt or bring her down. As far as chastity goes, I do not want to take something from Marie that her future husband, whether it being me or someone else, would not agree with. Marie and I have discussed our feelings on chastity and feel that removing the temptations is key. Before I met Marie I did not envision myself kissing a girl. But once we started dating, it was extremely difficult to stay pure. In order to stay chaste and free of temptations, we have decided to not kiss for the summer. Chastity in our relationship has been a challenge, but it has really helped us get to know one another more closely.

I am not perfect…even with the best of intentions I have made mistakes. The great thing about making mistakes is God’s forgiveness. He is so loving and merciful, always welcoming us back to Him. It has been helpful for me to go to the Sacrament of Confession. Here I have truly felt God’s gift of forgiveness and received helpful advice. As Marie and I continue to grow in our relationship, I am very hopeful we will both continue to honor and come closer together and, more importantly, honor our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through our love for one another.

God Bless,

John Baldwin

Bio:

John Baldwin is a student at Grand Valley State University earning his teaching degree in Physical Education. He loves to play sports, work with kids, and listen to country music. After he graduates with his bachelor’s degree, he plans to get a teaching job around the Grand Rapids, Michigan area…or in the surrounding area at any school that offers him a job!

For the majority of my growing years I was constantly on the lookout for my significant other. I couldn’t wait to be married and be a mom! It was always on my heart and mind to the point where I feel it incessantly plagued me and I felt like it deterred me from allowing myself to make true friendships with the opposite sex.  Every time I would meet a guy I would ask myself, “Could he be the one?!” Instead of just saying, “What a nice guy, he is fun to be around.”

As time went on I realized how much I was putting undue pressure on friendships because I was analyzing whether they would make a good husband and would imagine myself walking down the aisle on my wedding day to meet them at the altar. As I got older I finally became aware I needed to change my approach. So many of my friendships ended in heartache because either the feelings were not returned or I was disappointed yet again that my new friend was not to be the significant other my heart desired.

I didn’t have this revelation until my senior year in college. I had just met a new great guy. I had the desire to date him, but I quickly allowed myself to step back and see him as a brother in Christ instead of wondering if he would be the groom at the end of the aisle.  I immediately experienced freedom in our friendship to just be myself. We were both involved in the Campus Fellowship group on campus and encouraged one another to grow in our faith. We shared about our experiences of God, laughed at life and enjoyed each other’s company.  I soon graduated and we lost touch, but occasionally would reconnect.  God didn’t have it in his plans that he was the one, and I was at peace with that. I learned such a valuable lesson from that friendship that stuck with me as I continued on my journey.

Male and female friendships are such treasures, especially when there is no pressure to be anything more than just friends.  It is important to identify as brothers and sisters in Christ instead of worrying about the potential of a future spouse.  This lesson I learned of seeing men as brothers in Christ proved even more successful for me when I finally met the ONE!  I met my husband on a blind date and felt so relaxed and free to be myself with no pressure. Our romantic relationship developed from that pure friendship of being the man and woman that God called us to be so that we could enter into a deeper relationship towards marriage.

Friendships at all stages in life are a gift. They are important whether you are still looking for that special someone to spend the rest of your life with or desire more friendships with the opposite sex to grow in Christ with.  It is important to remember to be yourself. Be the person God created you to be.  Call each other on to holiness and a deeper relationship with the Lord, and you cannot go wrong.

Bio:

Rachael married the love of her life in 2007 and now they have two beautiful boys. She graduated from Heidelberg College with a Communications and Religion degree which afforded her the opportunities to work for YOU! Magazine, a Catholic Teen Magazine and Franciscan University of Steubenville for the High School Youth Conferences.  Now in between cooking up yummy food in the kitchen, changing diapers and playing cars and trains with her son, she is clicking away on her camera for her photography business. Check out her blog, Life’s Lens or her website Simple Heart Photography.

“I handed on to you first of all what I myself received.” 1 Corinthians 15:3

The first 40 years of my own conscience formation was directed primarily by my parish priest, Monsignor Irving DeBlanc, who was an advisor to Pope John Paul II (a Protonotary Apostolic). When he was the National Catholic Family Life Bureau director, Time magazine (July 4, 1960), reported that “He sees signs that many Catholics may gradually abandon the teachings of their church and accept the customs of the secular society in which they live.”

Monsignor was right about that.  He taught me that following my conscience cannot prevent error, especially in a culture of immorality.   In order to exercise our free will, we must act on our conscience.  Catholic doctrine insists upon it, but with a good understanding of a duty to form our conscience properly through study, reflection and prayer.

Under the prompting of Sister Margaret McHugh, I prayerfully discerned my calling to help people understand, defend and promote Catholic sexual ethics.  I made a retreat to draft a letter to my bishop, under the guidance of my spiritual director.  With permission to proceed, a constitution was created for the Humanly Possible community.  We were founded in 2009, on Monsignor’s birthday, naming as our patron, Saint Joseph – the only sinner in the Holy Family.

The spiritual works of mercy that require proper tact, knowledge or training are (1) to instruct the ignorant, (2) counsel the doubtful, and (3) correct sinners.  I believe that practical assistance for living healthy and holy sexuality helps people recognize errors in thinking, errors in approach, and errors in judgment.   Members make a public commitment saying, “May my chastity glorify you, my God.  Your Love calls me to holiness, and humbly I respond — open to correction, in need of forgiveness, and always beginning again.”

The vision is chaste living as a spiritual work of mercy against the injustice of immorality.  It is inspired by “The Rehabilitation of Chastity” in John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility.  The mission is to rehabilitate chastity — to restore its good reputation.  The formation program addresses the sacred value of the human person, modesty, proper sexual shame, celibate (single) and conjugal (marital) chastity, the role of resentment, the root of sexual addiction, pornography compulsion, same-sex attraction (SSA) and behavior (SSB), and strategies for chaste living in single life and in marriage.

My life has been blessed by the friendship of Father John Bonavitacola, a courageous moral leader, and Sister Colleen Braun, a lady of remarkable humility.  Doctoral work in the area of sexual addiction is my foundation for presentations that are scientifically accurate, scripturally sound, and doctrinally faithful.  We offer the fruit of our own spiritual lives to assist other people to trust in the goodness of the guidance of our Holy Mother Church regarding sexual ethics.

“Associate with a religious man, who you are sure keeps the commandments; who is like-minded with yourself and will feel for you if you fall.” Sirach 37:12

Bio:

Dr. Breaux explains how the wisdom of our Catholic teaching on sexuality is validated by scientific research. Her presentation “Misunderstanding our Catholic response to a gay identity” has been shown at national conferences, parishes and high schools. Her ministry has evolved into a lay ecclesial movement for people who recognize the injustice of sexual immorality, and respond with a personal commitment to healthy and holy sexual attitudes and behavior as a spiritual work of mercy. She was honored by Catholic Social Workers National Association as “2010 Catholic Social Worker of the Year.” As a member of CatholicTherapists.com she offers practical resources for healing. Contact her at  breauxphd@yahoo.com

David Szostak

By David Szostak

Ever since Adam and Eve people have been rebellious. As long as there is a law, someone will find a way to break it. Teenagers are especially notorious for testing the limits of their parents’ rules, but in reality every person pushes the limits of law throughout their life. This is why Psalm 119 presents such a paradox when it says:

“Oh, how I love your law!
All day long I meditate on it…
I claim your rules as my permanent possession;
for, they are the joy of my heart” (Psalm 119: 97,111)

How is it possible that the laws of the Lord can be delightful? Aren’t the rules and regulations of chastity the very things which keep us from the pleasures we desire so much? First we must seek what the law of the Lord is. Obviously the law of the Lord includes the 10 Commandments, which contain the prohibition of adultery and lust. And while these Old Testament precepts are invaluable, they only tell us what NOT to do. They don’t tell us how we SHOULD act. We must turn to the New Testament teaching of Christ to find His “new commandment”: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you (John 15:12).” Christ loved us to the very point of giving His life for us on the cross. The Second Vatican Council says that it is only by imitating Christ in this way that we can be fulfilled: “Man…cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself (Gaudiamet Spes, 24).” The command of self-gift isn’t something that limits our freedom; it is the very thing which sets us free. It is what fulfills our deepest desire for meaning.

But how does this new command to give oneself relate to chastity? God has given our bodies to us—our very masculinity or femininity—so that we might make a complete gift of ourselves. Chastity is the virtue which allows us to temper our sexual desires so that we can give ourselves freely. It brings great joy because it enables us to love with ease. But anyone who has ever tried to live a chaste life will protest, “Then why is it so very painful to follow the law of the Lord?” When we begin to develop the virtue of chastity, each temptation can only be overcome with a great amount of prayer and effort. However, every time we successfully do the right thing, it becomes easier to do the right thing the next time.

Each time I successfully fought temptation, living chastely became easier. When I fell, I went to confession to receive forgiveness and the grace to do better next time. Over time, this continual cycle led me from struggling with serious sin to addressing the disordered desires of my heart. God continually helped me to grow so that my heart has begun to be able to love as He intended me to love. He has written His law on my heart (Jeremiah 31:33). No longer is chastity an exterior commandment.

The truth is, “Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2342).” The virtue of chastity only develops over a period of time through daily battles and frequent aid from the sacraments. But once this virtue develops into maturity, a person can make a sincere gift of himself with much greater ease, to the point that it is more desirable and more pleasurable to love than to lust. Even though there will always be struggles, I WANT to live chastely. This is exactly what Psalm 119 means: doing the right thing is pleasurable! Over the years, the law of the Lord has truly become the “the joy of my heart.”

Bio:
David Szostak earned a Master Degree in Theology from Ave Maria University
and is currently pursuing a doctorate at the John Paul II Institute for Marriage
and Family in Washington, D.C. He lives with his wife and baby daughter in
Maryland.

Cecilia M. Schwartz

Chastity was always presented to my younger self as a long list of don’ts: Stay away from this… Keep clear of that… Refrain from whatever… Boundaries constantly boxed me in.  There was one area in my life however that challenged these boundaries, and that was dancing.  The physical nature of dance took me beyond the limits set by youth leaders and chastity speakers.  I felt as though I was living a lie as I tried to live a chaste life according to the rules, while also indulging my desire to express myself through dance.

It is true; at first glance the virtue of chastity and the art form of dance seem to be in direct opposition of each other.  The Catechism describes the chaste person as one who “maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him…it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it” (paragraph 2338).  According to everything I had learned dancing, be it ballet, traditional folkloric dance, swing, latin, etc., was a behavior that impaired the unity of the person.  But the next paragraph says, “…either man governs his passion and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy” (paragraph 2339).  This aspect of chastity helped me realize that dancing didn’t impair my personhood; it enhanced it.

Rules and boundaries were useless if I didn’t learn to govern my passion.  And I learned how to do that and more in dance class.  I learned discipline and the freedom that goes with it.  I learned to control my arms and limbs, as well as my mind.  I learned how to appreciate and respect both the body and soul of my dance partners.

Of course, it wasn’t easy recognizing the beautiful partnership between chastity and dance.  Secular society has pretended for years to have claimed the dancing world as its own, with the blatant sexualization of the body.  Many dancers and Catholics would agree, but in truth all things, including all forms of art, belong to God.  This is evidenced by the way God used dance in my life: For dancing did not lead me away from chastity; dancing took me beyond the boundaries, and there I was able to embrace my integrity and personhood.

Bio:

Cecilia is the founder of Dance Immaculata, an apostolate that incorporates the teachings of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and Letter to Artists into every aspect of dance.  Cecilia started dancing at age ten in her hometown of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and will soon begin training with Calpulli Mexican Dance Company in New York City.  More about Cecilia can be found on her blogs: She Laughs at the Days to Come and Dance Immaculata.

]]> http://blog.chastityforce.com/2011/02/the-partnership-of-chastity-and-dance/feed/ 98 http://blog.chastityforce.com/2010/12/may-we-suggest/ http://blog.chastityforce.com/2010/12/may-we-suggest/#comments Fri, 31 Dec 2010 00:00:00 +0000 amanda http://blog.chastityforce.com/?p=95

Amanda Vernon

By Amanda (Vernon) Shaheen

Happy New Year from the Chastity Force Team!

This month, we would like to share a few links to other wonderful Chastity resources:

• Chastity.com

An outreach program of “Catholic Answers,” this website has tons of information and resources about chastity for teens.

• GodofDesire.com

Dave Sloan outlines great suggestions for Godly relationships.  Check out his “Twelve Principles of Dating and Courtship.”

• RealLove.net

Mary Beth Bonacci is one of my favorite speakers, and her writing is excellent!  Check out her amazing archives regarding
faith,  chastity, and our culture.

• ChristopherWest.com

Christopher West is the leading proponent of John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body.”  If you ever had questions about God,
sex, or the meaning of life, these articles are for you.

We pray that your 2011 is blessed and peaceful, and that you grow in the love of the Lord each day.

God bless,

Amanda (Vernon) Shaheen and the Chastity FORCE Team

Bio:

Amanda Vernon is the co-director of Chastity FORCE, and an internationally acclaimed Catholic Music Minister.  Amanda entered into the Vocation of Marriage with her best friend, David Shaheen, on September 5, 2009.  The couple welcomed their first child, Jamal Raphael Shaheen, into the world on October 11, 2010.

To learn more about Amanda Vernon’s Catholic music ministry, schedule a concert or to listen to her music, visit: www.amandavernon.com.

Dan Brzezinski and Carrie Dubbs

By Carrie Dubbs and Dan Brzezinski

Being engaged to be married is an interesting state in life.  I say this because there are so many conflicting views between what the world tells us and what the Lord tells us through His Church.  This conflict in thought is certainly not unusual – we see this all the time!  But a close married friend recently reminded me that much of the world would have us believe that once you are engaged, it’s “no holds barred” since you are well on your way to that lifetime commitment anyhow.  But as Catholic Christians, we are taught a very different way of thinking.  Yes, certainly the physical temptations are likely to grow stronger and stronger as the wedding day approaches.  A very wise priest once said to us, “wouldn’t it be ridiculous if you grew less and less attracted to one another as you approached married life!?”  He points out the obvious in a humorous but poignant way:  in engaged life, you will grow more and more attracted to one another.  Hopefully.  Yes, this is normally what would occur.  There is so much depth to this attraction, but the “ways of the world” would have us sell ourselves short by diminishing this attraction to being only sexual in nature.

Engaged life is a time to develop unselfish respect for the other person (i.e. chastity).  Our physical bodies are uniquely and intimately joined to our souls.  They cannot be separated.  And yet, if we engage in sex outside of the proper order of the marital, sacramental bond, then we diminish the importance of the soul.  Our calling in married life is to help the other person grow in virtue, to assist them in “working out their salvation with fear and trembling”.  We are called to lead each other to heaven, through holiness, and this is true love.  We concern ourselves with the state of each others’ souls and help each other along the path to salvation.  Leading each other into sin is contrary to our call in any vocation and is certainly not a manifestation of love.

We want to encourage all engaged couples out there to seek this path to holiness together.  Even if you have made mistakes in the past or started off on the wrong foot in your dating or engagement thus far, do not give up!  Remember that the definition of a saint is “a sinner who, when they fall, they get up and keep trying”.  I heard a priest once say that the biggest tragedy is to sin and NOT flock to our Lord’s mercy.  The temptation can be to fall into sin and then to do what Adam and Eve did – hide from God and try to keep Him away at arm’s length.  What we really should do is TRUST in His mercy and remain close to the sacraments, not separate ourselves from them!  You are His children no matter what and He loves you more than you can ever imagine.  We must continue to seek Him who gives us strength!

A few practical tips for all couples who are contemplating or preparing for marriage:

• Encourage each other to grow in your faith lives.  Attend Mass together as often as possible, pray together regularly, even if you have to set aside specific time to pray as a couple.
• Hold each other accountable in receiving the sacrament of Reconciliation every week or two. Make it a part of your routine.  The sacramental graces that you receive from this will only strengthen you in your resolve to live a chaste life together.
• Receive the Eucharist as often as possible.  Try to attend daily Mass once a week during your time of engagement and offer that Mass up specifically for the intention of your relationship growing in chastity and charity.
• Pray for each other often, regularly and especially when you are apart.  Inviting God into your marriage is the recipe for success and we have to remember that our spouse-to-be does not replace God in our lives or take priority over our relationship with God.  As we grow more in union with God, who is the Source of all good, then we become capable of loving in the sacrificial manner that marriage demands of us.
• Take a retreat together at least once during your engagement so that you can spend time in prayer together but also apart from one another, as well as take a step back from all of the busy wedding planning to just focus on communicating with each other and learning to express love to the other in a non-physical way.
• Once you become engaged, the temptation will be to start the planning right away.  Some of the best advice we received from a close friend was to set a date in the future for when we will begin planning and to just take some time to simply enjoy being engaged.  We had a wonderful month before all of the wedding planning started to take the time to prepare our hearts for the journey.  During this time, you can meet with various couples in your lives that have been successful at married life and ask them questions.  It’s good to know what the biggest challenges they faced were, how they overcame them, what were some of the surprises that they were met with after getting married, what were some of their joys and sufferings.  It helps with gaining some perspective on married life when you are still in the springtime of your romance!

Biography:
Carrie Dubbs and Dan Brzezinski met at a Bible Study called Koinonia, which has met every Tuesday night for the past 11 years.  Carrie now helps coordinate Koinonia as a member of Verso l’Alto Ministries and serves on the Pastoral Council of St. Thomas the Apostle Parish in Grand Rapids, MI.  Dan has been involved in several ministries in the Catholic community of Holland, MI.  Carrie works as a physical therapist and Dan as an electrical engineer.  They became engaged in July 2010 and their wedding is to take place in January 2011.