Posts Tagged ‘chastity’

The Waiting Game

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

By John Baldwin

When I first met Marie I was at a group at my college called University Christian Outreach. I had been going to this group for four years and Marie was new. My first impression of her was how beautiful she looked, as well as how she was always smiling, super-excited, and happy about everything. She stood tall (five feet and six inches, to be exact), with long black hair and a gorgeous smile. I knew I wanted to get to know Marie better when I realized how important her faith was to her and how well we clicked when we talked or hung out.

After I got to know Marie more through University Christian Outreach and hanging out with friends, we had this mutual idea of getting together one night for an activity and dinner. I was somewhat nervous about the date, but I had a really good feeling about the whole situation. After ice skating and some food, I told Marie how I felt about her. I told her that I would love to continue to get to know her and tried to say something about starting a relationship. She totally agreed with me!! I was extremely nervous telling her this, but after it all happened, I felt like a million bucks.

With Marie as my girlfriend, I truly want to treat her with the utmost respect. I want to do everything I can to make her happy and never hurt or bring her down. As far as chastity goes, I do not want to take something from Marie that her future husband, whether it being me or someone else, would not agree with. Marie and I have discussed our feelings on chastity and feel that removing the temptations is key. Before I met Marie I did not envision myself kissing a girl. But once we started dating, it was extremely difficult to stay pure. In order to stay chaste and free of temptations, we have decided to not kiss for the summer. Chastity in our relationship has been a challenge, but it has really helped us get to know one another more closely.

I am not perfect…even with the best of intentions I have made mistakes. The great thing about making mistakes is God’s forgiveness. He is so loving and merciful, always welcoming us back to Him. It has been helpful for me to go to the Sacrament of Confession. Here I have truly felt God’s gift of forgiveness and received helpful advice. As Marie and I continue to grow in our relationship, I am very hopeful we will both continue to honor and come closer together and, more importantly, honor our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through our love for one another.

God Bless,

John Baldwin

John and Marie

Bio:

John Baldwin is a student at Grand Valley State University earning his teaching degree in Physical Education. He loves to play sports, work with kids, and listen to country music. After he graduates with his bachelor’s degree, he plans to get a teaching job around the Grand Rapids, Michigan area…or in the surrounding area at any school that offers him a job!

May We Suggest…

Friday, December 31st, 2010

Amanda Vernon

By Amanda (Vernon) Shaheen

Happy New Year from the Chastity Force Team!

This month, we would like to share a few links to other wonderful Chastity resources:

An outreach program of “Catholic Answers,” this website has tons of information and resources about chastity for teens.

Dave Sloan outlines great suggestions for Godly relationships.  Check out his “Twelve Principles of Dating and Courtship.”

Mary Beth Bonacci is one of my favorite speakers, and her writing is excellent!  Check out her amazing archives regarding
faith,  chastity, and our culture.

Christopher West is the leading proponent of John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body.”  If you ever had questions about God,
sex, or the meaning of life, these articles are for you.

We pray that your 2011 is blessed and peaceful, and that you grow in the love of the Lord each day.

God bless,

Amanda (Vernon) Shaheen and the Chastity FORCE Team

Bio:

Amanda Vernon is the co-director of Chastity FORCE, and an internationally acclaimed Catholic Music Minister.  Amanda entered into the Vocation of Marriage with her best friend, David Shaheen, on September 5, 2009.  The couple welcomed their first child, Jamal Raphael Shaheen, into the world on October 11, 2010.

To learn more about Amanda Vernon’s Catholic music ministry, schedule a concert or to listen to her music, visit: www.amandavernon.com.

Engaged life. Being countercultural.

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Dan Brzezinski and Carrie Dubbs

By Carrie Dubbs and Dan Brzezinski

Being engaged to be married is an interesting state in life.  I say this because there are so many conflicting views between what the world tells us and what the Lord tells us through His Church.  This conflict in thought is certainly not unusual – we see this all the time!  But a close married friend recently reminded me that much of the world would have us believe that once you are engaged, it’s “no holds barred” since you are well on your way to that lifetime commitment anyhow.  But as Catholic Christians, we are taught a very different way of thinking.  Yes, certainly the physical temptations are likely to grow stronger and stronger as the wedding day approaches.  A very wise priest once said to us, “wouldn’t it be ridiculous if you grew less and less attracted to one another as you approached married life!?”  He points out the obvious in a humorous but poignant way:  in engaged life, you will grow more and more attracted to one another.  Hopefully.  Yes, this is normally what would occur.  There is so much depth to this attraction, but the “ways of the world” would have us sell ourselves short by diminishing this attraction to being only sexual in nature.

Engaged life is a time to develop unselfish respect for the other person (i.e. chastity).  Our physical bodies are uniquely and intimately joined to our souls.  They cannot be separated.  And yet, if we engage in sex outside of the proper order of the marital, sacramental bond, then we diminish the importance of the soul.  Our calling in married life is to help the other person grow in virtue, to assist them in “working out their salvation with fear and trembling”.  We are called to lead each other to heaven, through holiness, and this is true love.  We concern ourselves with the state of each others’ souls and help each other along the path to salvation.  Leading each other into sin is contrary to our call in any vocation and is certainly not a manifestation of love.

We want to encourage all engaged couples out there to seek this path to holiness together.  Even if you have made mistakes in the past or started off on the wrong foot in your dating or engagement thus far, do not give up!  Remember that the definition of a saint is “a sinner who, when they fall, they get up and keep trying”.  I heard a priest once say that the biggest tragedy is to sin and NOT flock to our Lord’s mercy.  The temptation can be to fall into sin and then to do what Adam and Eve did – hide from God and try to keep Him away at arm’s length.  What we really should do is TRUST in His mercy and remain close to the sacraments, not separate ourselves from them!  You are His children no matter what and He loves you more than you can ever imagine.  We must continue to seek Him who gives us strength!

A few practical tips for all couples who are contemplating or preparing for marriage:

  • Encourage each other to grow in your faith lives.  Attend Mass together as often as possible, pray together regularly, even if you have to set aside specific time to pray as a couple.
  • Hold each other accountable in receiving the sacrament of Reconciliation every week or two. Make it a part of your routine.  The sacramental graces that you receive from this will only strengthen you in your resolve to live a chaste life together.
  • Receive the Eucharist as often as possible.  Try to attend daily Mass once a week during your time of engagement and offer that Mass up specifically for the intention of your relationship growing in chastity and charity.
  • Pray for each other often, regularly and especially when you are apart.  Inviting God into your marriage is the recipe for success and we have to remember that our spouse-to-be does not replace God in our lives or take priority over our relationship with God.  As we grow more in union with God, who is the Source of all good, then we become capable of loving in the sacrificial manner that marriage demands of us.
  • Take a retreat together at least once during your engagement so that you can spend time in prayer together but also apart from one another, as well as take a step back from all of the busy wedding planning to just focus on communicating with each other and learning to express love to the other in a non-physical way.
  • Once you become engaged, the temptation will be to start the planning right away.  Some of the best advice we received from a close friend was to set a date in the future for when we will begin planning and to just take some time to simply enjoy being engaged.  We had a wonderful month before all of the wedding planning started to take the time to prepare our hearts for the journey.  During this time, you can meet with various couples in your lives that have been successful at married life and ask them questions.  It’s good to know what the biggest challenges they faced were, how they overcame them, what were some of the surprises that they were met with after getting married, what were some of their joys and sufferings.  It helps with gaining some perspective on married life when you are still in the springtime of your romance!

Biography:
Carrie Dubbs and Dan Brzezinski met at a Bible Study called Koinonia, which has met every Tuesday night for the past 11 years.  Carrie now helps coordinate Koinonia as a member of Verso l’Alto Ministries and serves on the Pastoral Council of St. Thomas the Apostle Parish in Grand Rapids, MI.  Dan has been involved in several ministries in the Catholic community of Holland, MI.  Carrie works as a physical therapist and Dan as an electrical engineer.  They became engaged in July 2010 and their wedding is to take place in January 2011.

Daughters of Christ

Monday, November 1st, 2010

Clare Kolenda

By Clare Kolenda, age 16, Daughter of Christ

One Christmas, when I was ten years old, I received a rather extravagant gift from my older brother. It was a gold heart necklace, with my name engraved daintily on the front.

I remember being in awe of that gift, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. It was beautifully crafted, and was polished so well that it glistened in the light as I held it. My brother had shown me that day just how much he cared about me.

Christ gives us a gift even better than that. It’s called chastity. Instead of giving it to us out of brotherly love, Christ’s love is so deep and passionate for us that He gives us this gift that’s far more precious than a piece of jewelry.

Why would we want this gift? So much of this world is centered on drugs, lust, and money. It doesn’t even give a thought to chastity. It’s so extreme at times, it seems impossible to live a chaste life even if we wanted to. Why is this gift worth the effort?

Because this gift Christ entrusts to us is something that directly unites us to Him. He loves us so intensely, He sees us as His beautiful daughters, who are worthy of being cherished. Unlike the world’s view, which often encourages us to disrespect the bodies He gave us.

By living a chaste life, we are recognizing that we are loved by Someone whose love is worth living for. It’s like: God gives us chastity, and in turn (as our gift), we give our hearts back to Him. This creates a wonderful, holy bond between us and our Creator.

It’s not always easy being chaste. We have to be on guard to avoid the temptations we find in our social lives and on TV; we even have to monitor the movies we go to. We also have to be careful with what clothing we wear and how we follow the latest trends. In fact, a lot of people would say we’re being foolish and missing out on all of the “fun.”

But by missing out on all of this “fun,” we partake in something others don’t. We get to experience the love of Christ, love that cherishes, treasures, and preserves us. In choosing to be chaste, we are living as God intends us to live, and we are becoming who He sees us as: daughters of God!

God gave us chastity out of love for us, and by being chaste, we become beautiful, dignified daughters. It’s our way of loving Him back. And isn’t that our mission, to love God with all of our being?  (Luke 10:27)

Being chaste helps us accomplish that, and so much more. We become lights to this world of darkness, proclaiming the pure love of Christ. This is the love that the world craves. We can show it to everyone, by being holy daughters of Christ.

Bio:

Clare Kolenda is 16 years old, beginning her senior year of high school (home school), loves to write and hang out with her friends and family. She is a team leader for the Challenge Girls Group at St. Thomas the Apostle Parish in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Clare loves to sing, dance, and is absolutely in love with Christ.

The Desires of the Heart

Friday, October 1st, 2010
Sister Monica Martin

Sister Monica

By Sister Monica Martin, OSF, Novice for the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity.

I am attracted to men. I can’t help it. I, like most young girls, expected to marry my own Prince Charming and live reasonably happily ever after. I also planned on having as many children as God would allow. While marriage is a holy and blessed vocation, God had something else in mind for me. I am a novice going through formation to become the bride of the Ultimate Prince Charming, our Lord Jesus Christ, and a spiritual mother to all of God’s children. By doing this, I am living the vow of chastity.

When most people hear the about the vow of chastity, they think it is about simply abstaining from sex.  A lot of people take it a step further and incorrectly assume that we throw our sexuality out the window. While it is true that consecrated religious abstain from sexual activity, we do not deny our God-given sexuality. Chastity is really about love. As Father Brian Mullady, O.P., said at a conference that I recently attended, “we give up making love, but not being in love.”

In my life, I have experienced this “being in love” firsthand, and it came unexpectedly.  Before I received the call to be a sister, I had boyfriends, hid from sisters and nuns, did the dating thing, avoided sisters and nuns, took a Theology of Christian Marriage course at my college, and attempted to ward off all sisters and nuns. Why was I trying so hard to stay away from the religious life? I wanted to fall in love! I prayed that God would allow me to fall in love, and I assumed that He understood that I meant I wanted to get married. As I learned, again, God doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way we expect, but he does fulfill the desires of our hearts (see Psalm 37:4).

When I finally opened myself up to receive His call for me to be a sister, He gifted me with the feeling of being in love! The Lord continues to reach out to me, as it is written in the book of Hosea, “So I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart” (Hosea 2:16).  I am assuring you, this feeling of being is love is as good as people describe it to be.  Of course, as others also say, one is not continuously in ecstasy. This is also true for the religious life. This is a good thing. I don’t think I’d get any work done if I only wanted to adore the Blessed Sacrament!  Not only that, but God did not put me on Earth to love and serve Him in isolation from others (see Genesis 2:18).  We are called to serve and love others, and our life of chastity allows us to be open to love a multitude of people.

Responding to God’s call by joining the convent was the first step. I have now been living in the convent for over a year. Even though I have not yet taken vows, I still practice living the vows on a daily basis. It is not always easy, but Father Brian Mullady offered great advice. He said that we can take romantic feelings and elevate them to serving others by making life more livable for them….and have fun! Enjoy life. Enjoy serving others. It is through grace and prayer that we live the vow of chastity.  Father Brian also said that it is important to have healthy relationships within the community. Friendship is a gift from God and it is necessary for our personal happiness.

Most importantly, as Father Brian explained, “The only motivation for virginity shall be for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. We give of ourselves freely, intelligently, and responsibly.” If the decision is not free, then we will live the religious life only to the extent we are forced to live it. Uninhibited by fears of sexual intimacy, we freely devote ourselves to a life lived for others. As spiritual mothers, we help others to see their own dignity as people made in the image and likeness of God (see Genesis 1:27), so that they may live chaste, happy, and healthy lives.

As stated earlier, chastity is about love.  In closing, I echo these words of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux: “At last I have found my vocation. In the heart of the Church, I will be Love!”

Biography

Sister Monica Martin, OSF, is a novice for the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity. She resides at the motherhouse in Manitowoc, Wisconsin; near Green Bay. The conference she referred to in this blog entry was Glorify God in Your Body: Theology of the Body for Priests, Consecrated Religious, and Other Concecrated Persons, and it was sponsored by the Institute on Religious Life. Sister Monica has been writing in a blog about her experiences in the convent since she began as a postulant. You are welcome to visit it at www.habituallyspeaking.blogspot.com/.  Her community also runs an active website and blog at www.fscc-calledtobe.org/living/.

I See Pretty Girls Everywhere I Go…

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

By Tony Oleck, Singer/songwriter/seminarian

When people hear that I’m studying for the priesthood, one of their first questions is, “Wait…doesn’t that mean you can’t have sex?  Is that possible?”  Well, if one is a product of THIS world, no, it is not; sex is seen as a necessary life function in this culture.  We don’t have to look far to see the negative consequences of the sexual revolution, as sexual advertisements are as countless as McDonald’s.

Thankfully, this world didn’t raise me.

Thankfully, I was raised in a family that values other things rather than the sexual immorality of pop-culture: Christ, the Church, family…and Taco Bell.  I was taught early on to “guard my heart.”  In nearly everything I did growing up, I was taught limits and boundaries.  I was very blessed to receive such an early formation, and the ability to refer back to the words of my mother and father and the values that had been instilled in me from a young age.

But these “Angel on the shoulder” reminders aren’t all it takes to live a chaste and pure life.  Trust me, it is not that easy.  There are so many times in my life when I have been tempted to cross that un-retraceable line.  Even as a seminarian, my greatest weakness is (are you ready?) girls.  It’s true; woman was one of God’s most beautiful and deadly creations, in the heart of a man.  In high school, I was blessed to date some of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever known.  This also allowed for a greater opportunity for sin.  The key to a chaste life for me personally has consisted of two major elements.  First, rather than seeing chastity as something I constantly have to monitor, to keep myself from crossing ‘that line,’ I see chastity as a natural aspect of my life.  It is no longer about “How far should I go?” but rather about, “Do my thoughts and actions testify to the type of person I want people to see me as?”

Secondly, it takes constant guidance from others who have gone before me to give me the strength.  The first source of inspiration comes from Saint Maria Goretti.  I began carrying a picture of her in my wallet, in order to remind me to stay pure.  The second person I turn to is the Blessed Mother.  In Alexander De Rouville’s book The Imitation of Mary, he writes of the Blessed Virgin, “Like a delicate flower, purity tears the least breeze.  A glance, even a single glance, and it is on guard.”  If you’re looking for a good book, The Imitation of Mary is gold.  Even as a seminarian I have my struggles.  Everywhere I turn there are beautiful women!  My Blessed Mother helps me appreciate their beauty in a pure and holy way.  Remember, Our Lady will always watch over her children and help them to maintain their purity.

Biography:
Tony Oleck is a singer/songwriter and beginning his first year as a seminarian for the Congregation of Holy Cross at the University of Notre Dame.   He has produced one solo album, has played at many venues and retreats and is getting ready for his first cross-country tour summer of 2011.  Check Tony out on myspace (www.myspace.com/tonyoleckmusic), Twitter (www.twitter.com/tonyoleck), and become a fan of his music page on Facebook.  You can also read his blog titled “Trash Talk” at www.tonyoleck.blogspot.com.

Inside and Outside of Marriage: Chastity is…

Sunday, August 1st, 2010

By Jon & Holly Schneider

Often when people hear the word “chastity” they think it means saving sex for their future spouse, and once married, the vigil to remain chaste is over.  However, remaining chaste as a single person is merely the training ground for a life of chastity.  Chastity is so much more than refraining from sexual relations before marriage.  Chastity is living a life of virtue both inside and outside of marriage.

We have been married for 11 years and we have been challenged daily in our convictions to remain chaste.  As a married couple, in order to remain chaste we must continually guard our senses.

  • Chastity is guarding our eyes from the onslaught of immodesty we see throughout our culture: the images on television and the internet and the magazines and books we read.
  • Chastity is guarding our bodies from immodesty.  By choosing to dress modestly we are keeping our bodies sacred for our each other and God.
  • Chastity is guarding our ears from listening to licentious speech or speech that would attack the sacred marriage bond we share.
  • Chastity is guarding ourselves from the tendency we may have to selfishly look at our spouse as a means to fulfill our pleasures.  Instead we should approach our spouse as Christ approached His spouse, the Church, with a sacrificial love so deep we are willing to look beyond what we want and give our bodies and lives for the good of our spouse.
  • Chastity is guarding our marriage by surrounding it with prayer, the Sacraments, and people who will encourage us to remain faithful to each other and to God.

With each stage of our lives we encounter new ways in which we must renew our commitment to living lives of chastity.  It will be a lifelong battle but a battle well-worth the fight, for the rewards are tremendous.  Not only do we have a rewarding marriage relationship, but we also look forward to our reward when that day comes where we finally hear those long-awaited words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.

May God bless you in your journey to lead chaste lives,

Jon & Holly


Biography:

Jon & Holly Schneider have been married for 11 years and are the blessed parents of 4 wonderful children.
For 7 years they helped run Vocaris, a bi-annual marriage preparation retreat.
They reside in West Michigan, home school their children, and are parishioners of St. Bartholomew Catholic Parish.

Not My Own

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

By Amanda Vernon

Article originally featured on the National Black Catholic Congress Website

A couple of years ago on a winter Sunday afternoon, I picked up the Bible to search for guidance. I felt unsettled about my actions at a party the night before. As a Catholic young woman, seeking the truth, I needed direction. I opened the scripture, and my eyes fell to 1 Corinthians 6:19: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” This certainly gave me a framework to evaluate my actions and motivations. The Lord convicted me that my body and soul are united. This is a lesson that I strive to understand more each day. Thankfully, the Lord offers a tremendous gift to live out this reality. It’s called chastity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines this virtue as, “the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” Chastity helps us to see the human body as a dwelling place of the Holy Ghost.

John Paul II said, “The body and it alone makes visible what is invisible: the spiritual and divine (Feb. 20, 1980.)” Our late Pope’s revolutionary, “theology of the body” is a tool to help reveal the dignity of human sexuality in light of the Gospel. He explained, to 129 small audiences from the years 1979 through 1984, that the complementarity of man and woman presents an icon of our relationship with God. The physical union of husband and wife in the Sacrament of Marriage is the closest image we have of God’s love for us. “For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body”(Ephesians 5:23.) In a sense, God wants to marry us, the Church! Our bodies are meant to reveal that mystery. Chastity helps us to see that the body, “was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world, the invisible mystery hidden in God from time immemorial, and thus to be a sign of it (John Paul II.)” With all the challenges to chastity in our culture, how can we embrace this virtue on a daily basis?

“Do not conform yourselves to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2.) We are surrounded with the allure of sin, both in our own hearts and in our culture. To live in purity requires conversion to Christ. We must ask for the renewal of our minds, with faith. “For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds” (Luke 11:10.) I grew up in a very faith-filled Catholic family. We are active members our vibrant parish community. I was involved in youth group in junior high and high school, and I heard about chastity as a young person. Yet, the idea did not take hold in my heart until I understood my dependency on God. It was not until I started asking for the gift of chastity on a daily basis that the Holy Spirit could control my thoughts. Even after years of praying this way, I have to fight every day to put on the mind of Christ. Praise God for the Sacraments that help me in this battle.

In my struggle to live a chaste life, Confession and the Eucharist have been my most powerful weapons. In the past, I have failed to recognize the sacredness of my own body, I have allowed myself to be used as an object for someone else’s gratification, and I have denied the image of God in those around me. When I bring these sins to God through a priest in Confession, I experience the freedom of forgiveness. It is a beautiful relief to begin anew, with a clean slate and more power to stand up against the lies of the devil. When I partake in the Eucharist, Christ Himself comes to live inside me. With the fullness of God dwelling in me, I can confidently respect my own “temple,” and also see the value in every body around me. “The body and it alone makes visible what is invisible.” In light of this truth, it is no surprise that the devil would attack our perception of the body.

The times when I have fallen into sin the hardest were those times when I forgot that I have a real enemy. St. Peter told us in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be watchful, your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” The key is that our spiritual enemy “prowls!” Just as an African lioness hides in the tall grass to wait for the ideal moment of attack, the lies of the devil come disguised or unnoticed until we have already fallen into sin. Here is the good news: Jesus came to save us from the bondage of selfishness and confusion and to call us back to a real, life-giving love. When we are aware that the forces of evil are trying to pull our focus away from what is truly good and beautiful, even our temptations become opportunities to dive further into the heart of Christ.

God can take every desire, even those that are twisted by sin, to lead us to Him. When we bring our sexual struggles to God through the Sacraments, and through a constant, prayerful search for God, we begin to embody chastity. As this virtue increases in us, we are set free to love as God loves. We always rise victorious when we stand with Christ. When an impure thought comes to mind, we have the option to immediately take that thought captive, bring it to the foot of the cross, and await the resurrection. Walking the way of the Calvary means we will have to be crucified. But Good Friday is not the end of the story. Surrendering our evil desires, no matter how enticing or promising they may seem, is always rewarded with the triumph of love.

Do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit? If you walk into a room realizing that your body belongs to Christ, people will be drawn to His presence in you. When you acknowledge that others are made in the likeness of God, they will be encouraged. Not only will you be blessed, but you will also become a blessing for everyone around you. My hope is that you ask the Lord for this gift. Jesus gave us His promise: “Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive” (Matthew 21:22.) Let us walk on together, living in the Holy Spirit through the virtue of chastity.

Biography:

Amanda Vernon is the co-director of Chastity FORCE, and an internationally acclaimed Catholic Music Minister who has performed throughout the United States, Mexico, Canada, Australia and Europe. This 22-year-old singer/songwriter has written and recorded over 40 original songs and 4 CD’s.  She was blessed to be able to minister to thousands of pilgrims at World Youth Day in Sydney, Australia as well as in France at the Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes in 2008. She has also been a repeat guest on the EWTN live television show, “Life on the Rock.”  Amanda is a home school graduate and the oldest of seven children. Amanda entered into the Vocation of Marriage with her best friend, David Shaheen, on September 5, 2009.  The couple joyfully anticipates the birth of their first child in October 2010.

To learn more about Amanda Vernon’s Catholic music ministry, schedule a concert or to purchase her music, visit: www.amandavernon.com.